I am a mother to two daughters whom I exclusively breastfed, despite them both spending time in special care and NICU in their early days, and the problems this resulted in finding our natural balance of supply and demand. However, once we eventually found our way with breastfeeding, I for the most part felt so lucky to have been able to do so and enjoyed the ritual, slowness and connection that went hand-in-hand with feeding them. My two weaning stories are vastly different journeys for you to read, which I hope illustrates that you can never truly know how your baby is going to respond. There were so many factors that played into our stories – the ages they were, their individual temperaments, different sleep routines and habits that had been established, my own emotions and hormonal response to weaning, and of course their ‘readiness’ to be weaned.
Looking back, they both surprised me. I am not telling this story as a way of showing you ‘how’ to wean your toddler per se – I am definitely not a lactation consultant, nor an expert on breastfeeding – however as always, I see storytelling as medicine, and this is purely our story. I know that weaning journeys will look different to everyone, but I hope that there may be some feelings, tensions or emotions that came up for me that others may find solace in. That you may feel seen and validated as you enter this stage of your own breastfeeding journey. It is monumental.
Rowie with daughter Rua. Photo credit: Ilsa Wynne-Hoelscher Kidd
Weaning Sonny, 15 months
I had already returned to work three days a week and so our breastfeeding pattern had organically changed and shifted once I was spending full workdays away from her. As she was over 12 months, we introduced a bottle of cow’s milk before her daytime nap which she took as a replacement without any worries at all. Throughout the rest of the day she just happily drank water from a drink bottle. Generally, our days looked like; having a breastfeed first thing when she woke up in the morning when she went to bed at night and anytime she woke overnight (sometimes none, sometimes once or twice).
One day I took Sonny to rhyme time at our local library and there were some other mothers there who had children who were around 20 months old and still being breastfed. They were telling me horror stories of how hard it was to manage breastfeeding in public with such demanding older children and recommended I should wean my daughter to avoid this uncomfortable and frustrating behaviour. The naïve and young mother in me completely freaked out, went home and told my partner that we urgently had to wean Sonny that weekend to avoid any pushback from her in the process before she got any older. We decided that over the weekend would be the best time to do this so that Jake and I could function with less sleep and that he could be the one to go in and settle Sonny overnight. And so we did.
On Friday night I breastfed her before books and bed as I normally would. She woke up a couple of times overnight and instead of me going in, Jake went in to settle her. She protested a little bit but with some cuddles and pats from him went back to sleep after around 15 mins. I fed her in the morning and then we decided to go about our day as per usual. A coffee, dog walk, play at the playground, and she had a bottle of cow’s milk before her daytime nap as she would have at daycare. That night Jake gave her a bottle of milk instead of me breastfeeding her and she didn’t even bat an eyelid. She drank her milk, they enjoyed sharing stories and then into bed she went and fell asleep as per usual without a fuss. The next day we offered her some breakfast straight away instead of a feed and decided to head to the beach for some fun and as a distraction for both Sonny and I. My breasts were quite full and uncomfortable so I figured the cool water of the ocean would be quite soothing for them. The day was beautiful and sunny and we had a great time together as a family playing in the sand and splashing in the shallows. Sonny had her day sleep in the car on the way there and we kept her well fed and watered all day with snacks and her drink bottle.
When we got in the car to head home at around 6 pm the car wouldn’t start. Our plan for her to fall asleep in the car on the way home was foiled! She was getting hungry and tired and ready for dinner. While we waited for the RACV to come and tow us, I decided the best thing for both Sonny and I was to give her a breastfeed to ease my boobs and for her to fill her belly. And this ended up being our very last breastfeed. Every feed from then on was either water with food or milk in her bottle at bedtime. She was fine, I was fine.
I look back and feel so sad that the reason I decided to wean Sonny was because of two strangers at the library, and that I felt the expectation of society to wean your child around 12 months old. I feel so terrible for this version of me that there was no ceremony, no appreciation, no acknowledgement of this huge milestone for either of us. But at the time I didn’t think any more about it. I revelled in the newfound freedom of no longer breastfeeding and the shared responsibility Jake and I now shared of putting Sonny to bed and tending to her if she woke overnight. I think the fact that I knew we were going to have another baby at some stage, and that I would breastfeed again also helped with the process.